On Self-Inflicted Character Assassination

Palindromic Interlocuter: Goddammit, Google. Work better!
Taco Bell-eating Interlocuter: You should use Bing.
Palindromic Interlocutor: Bing sucks.
Fashionable Interlocutor: Hannah is very emphatic.
Palindromic Interlocutor: More like irrational. And rage-y.

On Ridiculous Conversations

George: Your computer needs to get Windows 7.
Palindromic Interlocutor: Your computer needs to suck my computer's dick.

(Pause)

George: So your computer is a man?
Palindromic Interlocutor: My computer can WANG your computer.

(Pause)

George: All this talk about wanging today is just making me uncomfortable.

On Questionable Interjections

Fashionable Interlocutor: "Can you give me a minute? I'm still trying to recover from being wanged..."

On Breakdowns

Everything's going to be alright.

On Erstwhile Friends

Storytelling Interlocutor: "That boy is a failed drama lookin for a place to happen."

On Expertise

Earnest (most likely former debater) Interlocuter: “The moral challenge for any epistemic conception of political authority is to let truth be the guide without illegitimately privileging the opinions of any putative experts.”

Fashionable Interlocuter: "Yeah. Good luck with that."

The Virtues and Limitations of Advice

If women want to give me sex advice they should have sex with me first.

Guest Observation: On Courtship

Rural Interlocutor: It's not your job to protect his teenage angst ridden heart... it's your job to fuck bitches and get money.

Friendship and Ethics

If you can't be friends with someone who markets tobacco products to 8 year old Asian children, then your standards are too high.